The joke about (insert joke) cracked me up on your profile. and get back to work.) I always respond to casual/formulaic how are you questions with something positive, specific, and widely approachable. People who act like or claim that it is impolite are exhibiting the things I dont like must be rude/mean fallacy. not? Its just small talk! It feels invasive what I do on my weekends is my business. Im glad for the above scripts! To those who suggested building better boundaries with my family: Good advice. Good to know! The fallout you talk about? If I have no specific plans, she thinks my time is hers (but you said you were doing nothing! and she likes to be like cousin in example 3, re her children doing lots of stuff for her because thats what good kids are supposed to do (and if were not performing like good kids, then shes a bad mother ~guilt guilt~) and she doesnt like to ask directly* so it often comes across as manipulative or passive-aggressive). I feel like something mundane like chores will get some pushback, or wont be seen as a task that takes up the whole day(s) off (if I do laundry Saturday, I can still go out Sunday! Im relearning advanced math as an adult because it seems fun and Im bitter that I grew up in an atmosphere that discouraged me from learning. I can also see how always hearing a particular question before being asked a favor is going to start getting on your nerves. Of course, YMMV, and you know your family and the situation better than I do. Thats because I regard is as manipulative and Im very surprised that some people consider it a way to make saying no easier instead of harder. Probably so he can finish the conversation with enjoy [fun thing]. I would actually be pretty weirded out by a friend who a) felt this was genuinely intrusive BUT b) also would not actually tell me they felt this was too intrusive. I have learned over my decade plus of retail experience that the key to small talk that doesnt annoy people is to feel out what they seem excited to talk about. Or you pretend to suddenly get involved in learning new cooking recipes, or working on your car, or doing competitive chess, or something that isnt a once-a-month kind of hobby. 5 Better Responses to "How Are You?" Than "Busy" - The Muse Saying no at that point feels rude, and yeah some people have reacted badly. If they want to invite me to something Im interested in and available for, I can say yes, and if its something I cant do, I can say I have other plans, etc without it sounding weird. Here are some fun things to do on weekends: Get Moving 1. Im not talking about not dealing with this. Because it's funny when friends say they'd only run in chased and we know that's perfect because we could run longer. To be honest, not good. I love organizing events and I confess to having asked that annoying question several times, mostly in order to know if a particular friend I would love to invite is available on that date. The person is clearly saying something bigoted or 2. If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! Evenings and weekends may take us a little bit longer. Be here at 6.. is how this has been explained to me, and it makes perfect sense. Go For a Walk: One of the simplest and most fun things on weekends is going out for a walk. Why, whatve you got? with a tone implying that weekends are always full of important adulting chores that I really dont want to do, but adults gotta adult, you know? I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you?" Table of contents: I'm Better on the inside than I Look on the outside Can't Complain. 1. We do this so thoroughly that we then have to figure out how to re-train them so this doesnt put them at greater risk in the presence of predators, and we dont do that re-training thoroughly enough. picked up a shift right off the bat. When I issue a soft invitation I am often not sure if the person wants to hang out at all, and getting a Yes, get in touch and let me know when youd like to do something would encourage me to go on and do the planning whereas Yeah, we really should I would be more likely to read as I dont really want to do anything. I prefer living and working in places with a major international contingent for that reason so that different is what is normal. I also love Caps I need to check my calendar and get back to you approach. Any event. I appreciate the suggestions about responses, having to deal with a pushy in-law (nosy for information and has a big sense of entitlement). I wouldnt mind your first either, but thats because the few people whod ask me exactly that are close enough for me to answer however Id like. My friends do it alllll the time. "Thanks, it was a chance to relax and I am grateful for that.". I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. I may need some babysitting Nothing much (I have one coworker who now sometimes asks me What are you doing this weekend? To her it was rude. This auto-reply is just to let you know. Right now? I have not observed him asking this many questions to other bank customers, not that I hang out in there much, and maybe they give him more satisfactory/interesting answers). You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY.. I think youre right in general, although I dont find items 2 and 3 problematic at all. Why? As a young black woman in the US, she of course had been steeped in spotting such people her whole life. During this age of social media people get bombarded with Facebook invitations so much that they might very well ignore an invitation they usually would be interested in by accident (this has happened to me quite often; people would reach to me after the event and tell that they are really sad that they missed it). Good, I just saw the cutest squirrel.. You can do that! But the thing is that people who were born in other contries than here (Sweden) ask me where Im from all the time. So yeah, I think your Swedish approach is fairly standard for American culture as well. Theres a great body of research on the pileup of mental stress on the interrupted person, and the habit encourages the interrupter to indulge in constant watching and judging of how another adult spends their R&R downtime, which isnt good for the interrupter either, since it breeds resentment, often of a very petty kind. Speaking about sudden change of moods and plans, and friends getting you: Several years ago, at the phone, ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with my friends in a pub to watch the incoming results of the Brexit referendum. Vulgarity from a total stranger is an instant turnoff. I get lunch with my coworkers on Friday and there is a lot of so is anyone doing anything interesting this weekend? in our conversation. LW, one of the things you could do is take a hobby (or pretend to) and have that as your backup plans. For that matter, even confident people can fall into the What are you doing Thursday? trap when theyre trying to sound unassertive. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade 100 Funny and Witty Replies to Rude Comments - PairedLife Best of luck to you, dear LW! The only tricky part I have encountered so far is if you actually say you are busy doing [thing] and instead have planned to watch the Winter Olympics with your cat, perhaps do not write an update about that to Facebook. Nothing much. He hardly ever asks anymore though. Oh yes, this! I'm sorry I can't really talk right now. Get a little philosophical and it'll get everyone off of your back. Itd be a big help, but if not I could find someone else. Which is a lot of caveats! May suggest reversing the order of operations? If an invitation to something materializes at this reply, I have no problem saying No. I still have the same question of why do this? This is one of those times where being okay with yourself and your own boundaries about this will help you deal with other people in a mannerly-yet-assertive fashion. What are you doing Saturday? might be an attempt to be extra polite about making an invitation, but it only works if the person wants to accept, and its only necessary if the person is too shy to say no. its BANK HOLIDAY?. But the female-seeming among us get hit with that kind of weirdly-broken thinking by our families and others endlessly in American and other western cultures. ), its pure formula. I dont think there is the slightest thing wrong with wanting something in the way of rent for the houseroom and resources she takes up. What are you up to on Saturday? has often been my go-to when dealing with someone (like my sister) that I *know* will feel pressured to accept whatever Im suggesting whether or not she wants to or has the time/energy for it. My go-to script for these (which I HATE) is an equally noncommittal, Why, whats up? Im not saying I do or dont have plans, but Im going to figure out why theyre asking me the question. Nothing much? and Im like yup and get back to work.) Its okay that sometimes my anxiety is bad. Its clearly related to the other ones, not just random strangers. Trust issues and controlling family? Because if she werent a family member, Id throw her out on her ear; she sure as hell wouldnt be in my home with all her stuff. Yes! It took some practice, but I always try to give an out for people, especially since I have a group of Japanese friends where theyre used to giving a soft no. We received your email and will get back to you with a (human) response as soon as possible. Funny Response to How Are You There are many fun things we could say and people will think that you're smart and interesting! Thats already happenedshe made a big stink about her dad telling her that they were all going to do something to support me at a time when I was really upset (something that would have taken about an hour of her time). Him: Nothing fun? Yup, there is a trust relationship to be established, because as detailed above, this question is frequently used with a threat of violence attached. Theres also How are you? I sympathize. Tell me more! Of course I would never do this it would be returning the aggression but its a real puzzle to me. Can we not with passing judgement on the validity of the LWs feelings about this phrase? How to Respond to the Question "What Are You Up To?" Thats a great answer! In the UK, most encounters respond with fine/good/grand, how are you?, In formal encounters, respond with how are you?. - Ogden Nash - Old timers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. Remember, . This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). I make it about my feelings for a bunch of reasons. Where are you from is often followed by no, where are you REALLY from which seeks to establish that you are a foreigner. I used to feel guilty about that until I framed it in my mind that its disingenuous to ask about my weekend as entrapment instead of asking me an honest question. Sorry friends, but bears, Zombies, whateverwe're gonna have to leave you behind. Any/all such inquiries get an automatic Unsure have to ask my other half., Sans that Id just go with Unsure. Which I guess was appropriately scary for the season? morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. I know it is super common usage as a general term for silly / disorganised but its actually an ablist term which a lot of people with disabilities have had thrown at them as a slur. Theyre private and you dont need to know them. I completely agree, it is always best to begin with the intention: I need a babysitter, I am planning a board game evening, I would love to spend time with you and catch up. Born and bred in southern California, how are you? asked of/by a stranger functions, for me, like any scripted greeting, pretty comparable to an all right with or without the interrogative in that a detailed (or even particularly honest) response is not expected and in many cases wont be acknowledged because it wont be heard (because no one is listening for it). Nowadays I usually use The Captains great script: I do not know yet, I have to check my calendar. Its been pretty good policy.) ), OMG YES can this question please die FOREVER? Setting a timer or alarms. @freyasacksen I have a friend who will almost always respond with, Still alive. Always true. Thats not an uncommon experience. Rob: I'm just leaving for work. I have less than zero interest in tutoring kids that have no interest in the subject. I can find someone else, so dont worry if youd rather not-Mittens likes you, so I thought of you first, but I know at least two people who have been angling for some alone time with the fountain., Translation: Here are all the ridiculous things I am asking for, and the dubious rewards I can offer in exchange. If they play extra coy with me, Ill just be extra cryptic in return. Nanani, that is absolutely true. This has not happened to me, that I know about, but aunt has a sibling who does not hang out with the family much, for reasons that dont need exploring at this juncture, and I have heard them say stuff like I cant believe shed rather [wash her hair/go to the doctor/chores/etc] than have lunch with us. or right out, shes making up excuses to not go out with us. And some family members are theyre hurt by it and some just dont get it. (If they meant the invitation) Them : OH! Detailing the event and a specific date is best. I have actually thought about writing in about this one as well. I think its more like, LW has a bunch of overbearing, annoying relatives who use this as a manipulation tactic, so she now sees it as one. Which has been said in other comments and is important enough to say again. Always? All right, good, fine, grand are the normal answers, and then its repeated back. Person A: Hi, how are you? This meme will hilarious remind them. Not much fun, but also not optional right now. (Aunt doesnt need to know whether your laundry has reached the point of not going to have clean clothes to wear or not.). 'Hope You're Well': Emailing Through a Time of Pandemic The one my family goes with is Surviving. 18. This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list. And because family members pitch in. Except LW specifically said that with the peer-friends who are not using it as entrapment, LW doesnt find it problematic at all. So, when I do this I really am trying to get a feel for whether a busy people-pleaser like my Sis actually has time to do something on Saturday, rather than outright asking from the start and leading to her twisting herself into a pretzel trying to free up that specific block of time for me because she doesnt want to say no, Reading the LWs feelings about this situation and the comments, I can totally understand why someone would hate being asked in this way and why it might make it harder for some people to refuse something they dont want to do after theyve said theyre free, but Im still not quite sure what the solution is when dealing with someone who usually *does* seem to treat invitations as subpoenas. When I was a teen or an adult who looked like a teen, I was very fond of, Ill have to ask my mother. I had as little to do with my mother as possible at the time, but I noticed this response was great at making creepy guys shrivel up and slink off. After reading comments, Ive come to the conclusion that Ive over-generalized my preference (anxiety? (Like, Im the kind of introvert who is good with people but I know a few who are just exhausting and who drain my battery super quickly), Could you have a conversation with her about, Were gonna have to schedule when all of our kids are walking to school. If those people have sufficient ability to cause difficulty or danger if they are displeased, it may not be advisable to say to them but not because it it rude; because those people cause problems when things dont go their way. So, when they ask what youre doing this weekend and seem likely skip ahead to of course youre going to my potluck and bringing the thing I promised everyone youll bring without actually asking you and/or so you can babysit ALL WEEKEND LONG, be ok with letting them down. Its very jarring to see that thrown around when its a nasty slur here in the UK. 17 Funniest Running Memes - Which One's Do You Relate To? - RunToTheFinish And then he goes around and rants to all his buddies that women are sooooooooooo shallow because she *wouldnt* date him based only on his appearance (yes, I know the flaming illogic is bizarre). or are you busy?). It is a question that can be answered or echoed and nobody minds too much. I can ask them on Monday how it was. It is trickery and so frustrating. As others have mentioned, if I say yes Im free and then they offer something I dont want, then I *really* feel the pressure to say yes because Ive already essentially told them I have nothing better to do. No matter how old you are, you don't want to be badgered about your life choices. I think people use that particular question instead of asking outright so they can feel out whether the person has any plans or our open to hanging out before they ask them to commit to a specific thing. Figuring out how my plans fit together is my problem, not anyone elses. no one tries to rope me into something). I am a pessimist, so I assume I am pissing someone off if theres the slightest ambiguity in communication. 3. She had already asked him. Funny Ways to Respond to "How Are You?" Overworked and underpaid. Oof this is hard, because how you deal with it can and will vary so wildly depending upon whos doing the asking of you. Work it like a weekend warrior! Good enough. Good, looks like the flowers are coming out (in Spring) Also: owning that I dont always have to say yes Im getting there! You'll Get Eaten Last. As unfathomable as it is to me to want to be out and about with other humans pretty much every night, it is unfathomable to them to want to spend a whole weekend under a blanket with a book. Busy busy busy! There is literally a meme that says When you ask me what Im doing today and I say Nothing, it does not mean Im free. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. I understand that theyre just trying to be friendly and make small talk but it still feels invasive. Because as far as I can tell, youre saying you want to be treated with the closeness of family, only you seem pretty adamant you dont actually want to be family with her in the sense of two adults choosing to be together and support each other as family youre very clear that you want a relationship where you retain levels of dominance and control only suitable with a minor child. Youll all be healthier and live longer if they learn some manners in how they treat you. The thing about she is family, and I expect family to do X is: Who decides what is necessary, when is it necessary, and who needs to do it? I do have a preference for having the What are you up to Friday? question asked first though because I appreciate that they want to respect my schedulewhenever I book hangs with my good friends, we let each other know what blocks of time are going to be rough to fit each other into and know not to ping them too much during those times. Certain relatives. Explain yourself; dont make me drag it out of you. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. Them (if it was an invitation prequel) would Thursday at noon work for you?, Them We need to have lunch soon It doesnt matter if those plans are eating candy while watching Netflix with no pants on, they technically are plans. Well see you at other times but this ones for us.. Why is receiving an invite considered such a stressor and its ok not to get back to the person. Or else, Id rather people not start a conversation unless they have something specific to say, unless its somebody like my sister who I know well enough to talk about nothing and enjoy it. You can say "because you're too hideous" or "because you're too old." Ok so Ive been wanting to go to this play, I was thinking of going to the Friday night show or the Saturday matinee, would you be interested in one of those dates?. but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. It might be helpful to reframe this, because the vast majority of the time its not going to be meant as a high-pressure question. Theres still room for her to refuse. When I tell you Ill be meal planning this weekend thats not an invitation for you to tell me all of your diet ideas and which meals are healthier. 1. Also, if you want people to drop the polite social conventions and be direct with youmaybe try directly telling them this? Okay, how would that be couched in terms of a lease you would give to another renter? hours of 8 p.m. and 1 a.m. on Friday and Saturday because it will make you seem like you don't have anything better to do on the weekend. My response to that is usually a sassy Depends, why?. So mostly I just want the question to go away lol, but since, as the Captain said, thats not likely to happen any time soon, I thought Id try to learn some better ways to navigate it, and again, all of your responses have been extremely helpful! Turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. Sometimes I think if Im going to make something up it might as well be along the lines of going to the moon or whatever. And they tend to be very very very sure of what counts as racism (nothing they do/say, of course), with an overlay of you should be grateful I am nice to you to wrap it all up. If someone asks me the question, I am happy, because that means they are probably inviting me somewhere. To me layering (which I definitely do) is more about putting my information out there first and hinting that Ill be chill if you say no, as opposed to initiating the conversation while asking the other person to show their cards first, which feels at the least unfair, and at the most, as you say, like a trap. Btw, the annoyed reaction at go to the airport and the misunderstanding re: grandma could be exactly because she is used to you making decisions for her and expecting her to follow through. Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. In my experience, soft invitations are never meant. So finding out if you have plans at a given time becomes an underhanded way of tricking you into agreeing to something, like LW mentions in point number 2. Once in a college class, we had a group of students who had American parents but had grown up in other countries come and talk to us about the experience of having a foot in two cultures. Why is that worth it? The first time I posted a little comment showed up saying that my comment was pending mod review since it was my first comment but I dont see one of those now. When someone really finds you funny over text, they may send laughing emoji or 'haha'. I think theres a frustratingI dont know what to call it, but adding monetary transaction to a relationship doesnt always make it better. Instead of saying: "I had a cheeky wine in the garden" Say: "I partook in an al fresco wine tasting. And the balls in their court if they were actually trying to set up something fun. If you're worried your co-workers or boss will assume you need more to do if you don't talk about your heavy workload, go for this response. Its just in the past year or so that its cropped up repeatedly, with different people at different establishments. I really appreciate that, even though my parents and I had conflict, they never threatened to kick me out if I couldnt pay the rent. So the LWs anger at nosy questions is more than justified. And I understand many of your points. I saved up enough to move out. The kids DO like my origami and I was able to get in some geometry pointers with that. For people Im close enough to be snarky with Its depends Are you asking for fun or work?, I like this, but Id go maximum snark and phrase it as, Is this about business or pleasure?, I say Ill have to check. Am I? I get the friendly sentiment, but its not always welcome and people would do well to use more discretion.

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